Sexier than socks on a rooster
Probably said about a nice looking tractor.
Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra
Can't remember if this was about cold weather, cold people, or both.
If I had his car and he had a feather up his ass then we'd both be tickled
Replace "his car" with anything desirable
Boy I will stomp a mud hole in your ass and walk it dry
Said to my dad when he'd test my grandpa's patience.
Handy as a pocket on a shirt
You get it.
That woman's butt is as wide as two axe handles and a Hershey bar
Huh.
That shines like a diamond in a goat's ass
Probably said about a freshly painted tractor.
Colder than a well digger's ass
A fun alternative to the witch's tit.
I wouldn't have that up my ass if I had room for a sawmill
Grandpa sure did have a lot of ass-related sayings.
Busier than a one armed paper hanger
Wallpaper.
Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest
I like this one better.
Hornier than a two peckered billy goat
Can't even imagine when he used this one.
Sweatin like a whore in church
A classic and a reminder that "Granpa's" sayings are mostly just old country sayings. Still fun to think of him saying this stuff since I only heard him say a handful of them myself.
Two hairs past a freckles
Used after being asked the time.